Reminder emails….texts back and forth with ideas, pictures, questions, facebook posts on our team wall with “last minute stuff”. We are 5 days away from going to Guatemala. Our team of 18. A team of 18 sent by many. Auctions, bunco, raffles, lunches, donut sales, bake sales….and then the begging, borrowing and pulling the last pennies from ourselves that we didn’t think we had. The day the accounts had to be all paid out, our team leader divied the funds among the 18 accounts-we had exactly $25 left over. We had raised $25 over the $38,000+ that it was taking to send 18 people on this Mission trip. We needed extra cash to get the supplies needed when we got there to fix, put together, paint, build whatever is needed….”where is that going to come from? $2-$3 thousand is a good target amount”. Is it going to drop from thin air? Yes-in a way. A check comes in the mail from a family for $5,000-specifically to go towards “needs at the orphanage”. Why why why am I always amazed and suprised?
Last minute stuff. And then we go. I stare at pictures of the place I am going and feel homesick for a place I haven’t yet to get to. What are you doing in my heart God? Will I be amazed and suprised when I discover what it is? Last minute tears to God-not for worries or concerns. Not for worries of my own kids I am leaving behind, I just know they are fine. Tears and cries out to God for this awesome burden on my heart to just BE THERE RIGHT NOW.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
“Be still” is hard at last minute times. “Know that I am God” brings me to my knees. It isn’t a feeling, it isn’t a “leap of faith”. It isn’t a realization. It is a knowing. And it causes me to be still in the last minutes of life. I sometimes want to go home now-to see the face of Jesus, to just rest. Other times I want to beg God to let me live longer than anyone because there is SO much to do before I go. I’m sure He gets a little chuckle at those times, since He sees the time he has given me that I waste. But He still loves me, He still gives me grace. He still fills my heart with compassion and longings for more of Him. and He tells me to be still and know that I am God. Even in the last minutes.